Starman: An Escape

    I realize that I have been confessing to all of you players about my weaknesses and fears of the Powerups that are now available with my New Super Mario Bros. game.  I want to let you know that I SWEAR that I am not afraid of everything.  There is one Powerup that I really enjoy and that is the Starman.  If you play me, you may actually see me punch my fist in the air out of pure excitement the moment that I touch one of these stars.  Yes, the bang on the head once again hurts, but this time it is so worth the pain..

Want to know why?

Because not only am I strong and invincible, but I am also INVISIBLE to my enemies.  No  one can see me and therefore no one can see that I am doing all these bad things.  Isn't that great?! I don't have to feel bad for all the mayhem that I cause.  Isn't it ironic that the hero wants to be Invisible.  I think it is a foreshadowing of what is about to come...

Yes, I know that you players enjoy the thrill of me setting things on fire and destroying all the bad guys, but the truth is...I hate it.

I am not a bad guy I am just vulnerable and highly influenced by my peers.  You know my brother Luigi?  He is the bad brother.  He gets a a high out of beating up bad guys and never seems to mind getting a burn on the arm or a bump on the head.  He doesn't get car sick and doesn't have any allergies- Lucky bastard... 

    OH NO!  Ah..I am so sorry...I didn't mean to curse at my brother!  See what I mean?!?! All of this gaming is really taking a toll on who I am as a person.  Deep down, I am a normal guy.  All I really want to do is settle down with my love Princess Peach and have a few little Mario Peaches of our own.  I want to have a family and If I truly want to do that....then I can't play this game anymore.

I am sorry players...

I announce my retirement from Super Mario Brothers.  I have loved playing with you all these years, but all of these trials and obstacles have really made me depressed.  Sure, when I was a young, hip guy I loved the thrill, but now I am over thirty years old and I need to settle down. The name will just now be Super Luigi.  You will have fun with him.  He is the fun one...not me. *sniff* Sorry...I cry.

I will now leave you by quoting my favorite Whitney Houston song....

"I will always love you..."

Mario

My bro Luigi and Me.  Gosh.  Look at me trying to be cool giving a peace sign.  Who was I kidding?  We all know Luigi is the cool brother. :(

I Burn Myself...

No,  I don't burn myself on purpose...although sometimes I am so depressed that I feel like I should. Oh wow!  I'm sorry....I'M NOT DEPRESSED!  I am your hero and friend Mario!  :)-See.  I'm smiling! heh heh heh..

  I am not talking about self-mutilation in this post.  I am going to let you all know that I have another fear.  I am really scared of eating one of those fire flowers.  My god!  Have you SEEN me after I eat one of those bad boys?  I turn into a MONSTER!  Look for yourself...


I literally cry when I watch this video of myself.  I am so ashamed...

*sniff*  Sorry, I needed to step away for a moment and grab a tissue.  Want to know what is so sad about this entire video?  I don't even remember acting like this.  The last thing I can remember about this day is looking a pretty flower.  It looked so pretty and I just wanted to smell it really quick.  I went to go smell it and BOOM..can't remember a thing that happened afterwards.  Pretty scary right?

  This flower is more serious than an allergic reaction to Mega or Mini Mushrooms.  It is even more serious than the Koopa Shell.  At least with those, I can REMEMBER what happened to me afterwards and I am able to face my problems.  With this evil flower, I turn into a complete terrorist  and can't even remember what I did.  The only way I can realize what I did is through video footage.  How do you think that makes me feel?  I have evidence out there on the Inter web portraying me as this horrible beast of a man.  I mean this has to be an equivalent of something in your world.  Oh yes, I read about it in the Nintendo newspapers.  They say that in your world (Earth) then have something called  the "Date-Rape Drug"  where girls go to drink a drink and they pass out and....well, I don't want to finish.  I think that THIS flower is the EQUIVALENT to the "Date-Rape Drug!  Can you relate now?!  This flower is RAPING me!  It is raping me of my own identity.....  *sniff*  Sorry, I cried again...

On top of being a horrible, fire breathing dragon...I also burn myself as a result.  I wake up from this "coma" with multiple burns on my face and arms and I don't know where they come from-that is, until I watch this disastrous video.

Again...I am so ashamed.  Please, if any of you see me ready to take a sniff of a "pretty" flower, just press the B button and make me jump over it.  I mean, there has to be some other way to win the game other than violence...right? Maybe?  Oh gosh...I am so confused.

Mario

The Dreaded Koopa Shell

You guessed it.  I have another fear and that fear my friends is the Koopa Shell. Wow I feel like this blog has been all about my silly little fears...but they aren't too silly in my head.  Ok, so if you don't know what the Koopa shell is (well, you should because you obviously play me all day) it is exactly what it sounds like.  When I bang my head on a question mark brick...

Sorry, let side step off topic here and just vent about something.  It really REALLY REALLY hurts when I have to bang my head against those bricks just to get things that I don't want.  I mean, I know that you want them and I am happy to get them for you, but it really hurts me.  I bang my head, swallow a huge mushroom, swell up a great amount and simply put on a fake smile so that you will be happy.  I WANT you to be happy, but just know that I sacrifice my happiness to make you happy.  You are my friend and I hope I am yours.

Sorry, I get a little paranoid that you may think that I am getting mad at you, so I want to tell you that I am still your friend.  I welcome you to play me anytime you want *sigh*

So back to this Koopa shell.  After I bang my head, I touch one of these and I am allowed to have a shell on my back.  It basically makes me mimic my enemy the Koopa Duck after I give him a good kick.  I can duck inside shell and fly down the course so fast that I could be the next speedy Gonzalez! 


Here I am stuck in the shell...

But...

Don't you remember that I have a terrible problem with getting carsick?  Look a few posts down and you will get the whole story.  If you are just reading now and don't have the time to scroll down, let me tell you that I get a bad case of carsickness.  Needless to say, this little Koopa trick doesn't help me out too much. I get really nauseous in there...like EXTREMELY nauseous and yup...you guess it...I vomit in my shell. 

Just picture it and you will feel the pain I feel everytime I am in that shell.  That is a really small and tight space....

Oh sorry, sidestep again-I also am claustrophobic.  If I am stuck too long in a small space I basically freak out.

Anyways, can you picture it?  I am going I would say 80mph in that shell and I feel claustrophobic.  I scream so loud but the music that plays is also loud so that is the reason as to why you can't hear me.  Might I add that when I am screaming, I am also puking. Gross?  Can't take it?  Now you know how I feel....EVERYDAY!

Ah I'm sorry!  Again, not mad...just really frustrated.  Wouldn't you be if you were stuck in a  shell full of vomit?


Mario

An Allergic Reaction to Mushrooms

  So, I might as well continue with my venting about health problems and inform you that I too have allergies.  Oh gosh!  How bad can this get?!  I am supposed to be a hero and I have carsickness as well as allergies.

  Ok, so you know when I bump my head on the block and get that HUGE mushroom...(You know, the one from my NEW Super Mario game...) PS, click that link to check out my new game.  I know, I know..I am advertising my own game, but what can I say?  It is my living!

Anyways, back to my allergy problem.  Those ginormous mushrooms are my enemy!  You may think that it helps me become all big and powerful, but in reality it only makes me feel sick and drowsy.  Of course, I may seem strong because that Mega Mushroom allows me to crush any obstacles in my path, but it is all a fraud. I wanted to please you, so I faked my own strength.  I know I may have said that those mushrooms were really like steroids and that was the reason as to why I was getting so big, but....I lied.  I'm sorry.  Again, I was-and still am-terribly ashamed of my allergy weakness and that is the reason as to why I had to lie.

On of my players, John made this video so I could show it to you all on my blog.  Thanks John! :)  We will play later...

This makes me shudder just looking at it.  And might I add, those bricks hurt when you bang into them!

Oh man, and then there is the Mini Mushroom.  Don't let its size fool you.  I get the opposite allergic reaction to this "aid".  The moment I eat one of these, I shrink so small that I am able to sneak into small little places that my normal body size would never fit.  This little mushroom may be an advantage to you as  a player, but for me...it is just plain scary.  I don't LIKE getting that small!  Not only does it allow me to fit into small crevices, but it allows me to jump extra high....

NEWS FLASH...

...I have a fear of heights.

UGHHH!!!  I said it..I also have a fear of heights and I am even more ashamed of myself than I was before. 

I am going to actually send this blog post to Mr. Nintendo ( We have a Dr. Nintendo and  a Mr. Nintendo.  Mr. Nintendo is equivalent to your Obama)  Maybe he will ban these mushrooms.  Don't you do that in your world?  Didn't some places ban....ah how do you say it?  Is it called Pot?  I think thats it.  I mean that aggressive player Mike (mentioned  a few posts down) also had a bad reaction to that kind of Pot mushroom and I think that is why they banned it in your world.  So obviously, everyone has some kind of reaction to these mushrooms therefore I think they should be banned...

Ah what am I saying?!  I am a coward...I need to just face my fears for the sake of you players.  My friends.

Sorry guys. :(  I got to go play with my friend Alison.  She just got home from school and she wants to play with me.  I gotta say...I'm not looking forward to eating those mushrooms, but I will do it for her. She is one of the less aggressive players.



Mario

A Mario Kart Confession

Hello again...

  I figured that since I was just writing to all of you about Mario Kart, then I should let all of you know one surprising fact about myself.  I get carsick.

A picture that I drew after a rough day on the speedway.  I am ashamed...

Ugh, I am so embarrassed to tell all of you players this, but I need to let you know before it gets any worse.  Sometimes-especially when I get an aggressive player- I feel as though I need to jump out of that car as soon as possible.  There have been many times that I have vomited within my own race car and you guys just can't tell.  I try to do it as discretely and quietly as possible because I am just too embarrassed to do otherwise.

I said it once and I'll say it again, I am so happy to have you play me.  I think that is the reason as to why I don't speak up about my weaknesses such as this one.  I don't want you to be upset with me.  I am your friend not your burden.  I want this game to continue, so in order to do so I will just have to suck it up (no pun intended) and take some kind of medicine to get over my carsickness.  Dr. Nintendo is our local doctor here in our world and we all tend to go to him with any sickness. 

He gave me a few remedies that I should do...

• Focus on a far horizon.- I need to look and focus on something in the far distance.  I can look at the finish line! HA! perfect!
• Fresh Air-  I guess I can roll down a window.

And this is the most important one...

• Smoother Driving-  Dr. Nintendo said that I should definitely write to my players (like I am now) and let them know that in order for me to get better, I need to tell you to drive me smoother.  I know this is hard, but if you can just please drive me a little smoother.  Don't vary the speeds in driving so much.  Either have me go really fast at one speed or really slow.

Ok guys.  So I swallowed my pride and let you know that I, Mario, tend to get a case of bad carsickness.  I heard that in order to solve a problem, you must first own up to your problem.  I did it!  Lets hope it gets better on from here....my race car really smells.

*sigh* of relief...

Mario

Advice to Agressive Players...

Excuse me?  Hello?

Sorry, I am not used to making a blog because I am way to busy trying to defend myself against my antagonists such as Bowser and that awful Kammy Koopa!  Oh yes, we will get more into those two meanies later.  Anywho, I have realized that many angry young boys, I would say ages fourteen to mid-twenties, have been playing me and taking their anger out on me.  I mean, I can only run so fast you guys...

   I have a story to share with all of you...

  I remember good old Mike.  Mike and I used to be the best of buds.  He would come home from a stressful day at school and simply play me.  I loved it.  I loved helping him unwind from a long and hard day at school. He used to play my game "Mario Kart" day in and day out.  I would wind around those corners like no tomorrow and I loved it

Here...take a look at me whip those corners!

    I could see the happiness in his eyes every time I reached a new level in the game, but then he seemed so distant when he knew he had to shut me off.  I knew that he needed to find himself a girl.  Who knows, maybe they could both play me?!  I would be happy to make another friend...and to have it be a girl..only better! (Don't tell my love Princess Peach that I said that please...)  One day, Mike came home so happy and I could tell that he was in love.  He finally found himself a girl!  Her name was Sally.  Sally would come over every so often and he introduced me to her many times.  He tried many times to include her in our little game, but she never seemed to want to play.  She always wanted to go out to dinners or watch a movie.  I have to admit, I was a little hurt by this, but I know that my Peachy dear tends to act the same way.  Girls will be girls I guess...
    To make a long story short, Sally finally got fed up with Mike.  She told him that it was either her or me ( as in me, Mario) and Mike chose me.  I am honored at the fact that he chose me.  We have been friends for a long time and I mean, we TRIED to include Sally, but she didn't want any part of it.  It was the night of the breakup and I could tell Mike was upset the moment that he turned me on.  He would punch the buttons which in effect made me go faster on the speedway than I really should have.  Let me tell you, I crashed more times than I can count.  Its as though he WANTED me to crash because he thought I was the reason as to why Sally dumped him.  Well, I guess I was...but he CHOSE me! 

Check this out...

This is the actual game that Mike played the night he and his beloved Sally broke up.  It was so bad, that the system crashed.  Listen to it all the way to the end.  You can hear Mike banging the controls.  Sad right?


What I am trying to say is that I have been hurt many times by players who say that they are my friend. The moment these guys have a bad day...BOOM Mario takes the bullet. 

ADVICE:  I love it when you all play me.  I like to help you de-stress and escape into a world of fantasy, but please...don't hurt me with your aggressive actions.  I can only take so much.

Thank you  :)

Mario

My how I've changed...

Want to know how I became this big?  Steroids.  You need them if you want to be a hero-it all went downhill from there.

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